Evil

I have spent countless days and nights trying to deliberate my personal beliefs on evil and how to properly convey these beliefs to another. In so describing that which is so difficult for me to explain I have come to understand, within myself, that evil is a consistent presence in life as the product of human actions affecting the livelihood and wellbeing of other human beings as an unavoidable but, not similar, prevalent force for everyone in everyday life and is thereby inherently subjective and personal to each individual. I will attempt to illustrate such with a few examples. While taking public transportation and having the underground railcar break down on the way to class for a midterm; and as a result, being so late as to miss this very important exam is not evil to the person who relied on public transportation to get them to class. Living in a rundown neighborhood and getting mugged on the way home from work only to find that the house has also been robbed is evil to the mugged and robbed. To find that a sibling has died in a plane accident due to engine failures is not evil, but to find that the engine failures were the result of intentional sabotage is evil to the passengers who died and to those they are survived by.

In each of these instances the determinant for evil is not the rise of a difficult circumstance; but, the causal relationship in which the affected experiences the event at hand. Evil is not an action or a reaction but the realization of the gap in reality between base assumptions of existence that are confronted with the physical realm of possibility in a given situation that produces a negative product within the experience. In this definition of evil natural catastrophes, such as burning forests and hurricanes that destroy animal habitat and cities where children play, are not displays of evil. Furthermore, from an ecclesiastical standpoint, if we are created in the image of the divine the forces of nature used as tools for teaching lessons rather than as chaotic unplanned events.

With the actions of people, living agents rather, evils are committed daily, some by intention and others without intention. Looking into the committers of evils there are two kinds; Realized and Unrealized. Realized Committers, know full well of the actions they are taking and the repercussions of said actions. This type of committer has sedated their moral grounds by rationalization to allow them to commit a given action with the knowledge of the extent to which their actions ripple throughout the victims of their actions. The events of September 11^th 2001 one are an example of this. Those who took over the controls of the planes and flew them into the World Trade Centers in New York City were Realized Committers. Through various rationalizations, be they religious conviction, justification for hatred of the United States, or political pressure; the individuals themselves were aware of the extent to which the courses of action they were taking would negatively affect the victims and those survived, even the unrelated, by the victims.

Unrealized Committers are those who commit evils, but do not perceive them to be an evil that breaches their threshold of morality. This threshold of morality differs for every individual. Some view the consumption of meat to be evil that is beyond their threshold and there opt not to eat it. Others view the same consumption to be within their realm of morality because they do not have a realization of the process by which they receive their filet mignon. To the omnivore there is no realization of a gap between physical possibility and their basic assumptions of existence. For this category of people, not all evils are created equal and they have varying degrees of effects on the individual’s basic assumptions of existence and whether or not there is the realization of a gap between them that illicit a negative response.

In looking at the traditional problem of evil with regards to God, the problem starts with God’s power over the universe. Even more so, is creating an understanding of how far this power over the universe extends and to deliberate about where God places himself either existing, and hiding, in our universe or outside of it. Ecclesiastically, God is omnipotent, omnibenevolent, omnipresent, and omniscient. These base assumptions about his existence create confusion with those who aim to understand the personification of the invisible forces in the universe. In identifying oneself with God and aiming to discern his moral community that leads to allowing clearly disastrous events to occur, there is serious conflict about what the parameters of God’s decisions may be. The problem of evil is wholly the problem of the ecclesiastical divine god, and even more so for the pious individual of organized religion. Much of the teachings have a basis in thankfulness for what has been provided by the anthropocentric deity and lessons in sustaining faith at all costs. The difficulty is in being intimately faced with hardship that falls outside the personal realm of possibility; a realization of the gap mentioned earlier, and seeking to assuage dissonance that arises. In doing so, the pious look to their divine and ask why a certain thing was allowed to happen to them.

With misfortune in my life, this is the point at which I have a vehement disagreement with organized religions and their problem of faith. In my following statements I can be mistakenly identified as a nihilllst, but I am not. For the life of me, I cannot conceive of how any multi-celled organism, much less even 6.6 billion of them, on a little blue planet can be of so much concern to something that can create all that is the universe. In the depths of a personally traumatic event, that occurred some years ago at the passing of several close friends, the condolence by someone many years my senior in saying, “God will find a way of healing the wounds of the day.” The only response that came to mind was, “If God feels the need to heal these wounds over creating galaxies and sparking supernovae there are far bigger worries for the human race.” At the time my words were considered rebellious and cynical, and to a degree they were, but in a personal view God bestowed power to me, to the human race, to manage ourselves and to create, for ourselves a world in which to live. I therefore cannot attribute evil to God, nor can I blame him for not permitting certain things to happen to me or to others. Though I am spiritual, I can never be a part of one of the big three religions because I see them as selfish in their anthropocentric view of their anthropomorphized God.

For the theist I believe there is not an absolute path to rectify the discomfort and betrayal of God one feels when they experience evil because a determination of right and wrong is built on the foundation of their morality; which, in turn is built upon their faith. The philosophically minded understand well the phenomenon of the religious mindset and its unwavering position in matters of God’s place and involvement in their lives. For this segment of the population, the vehement religious minded, to see evil as I do, requires the separation of God’s felt necessity to intervene and the understanding of people of all faiths and that we are all human beings first. Visceral cataclysm, much like the events of September 11^th, 2001 could not bring to light such things. Disturbingly, the pious of rational mind abandons logic in such an area of thought. As a society, perhaps we are to live and let live those with moderate stances of God and his will, and with those of extreme views perhaps we are to merely hope and pray.

I'll have the tofu filet and the seared faux foie, please...

Last month, I looked at this year-long challenge with pride in my personal inventiveness and ability to think outside of the box when it came to new year's resolutions. Certainly the whole endeavor borders on sadistic motive, but call it what you will; I call it "character building".

Two weeks into my venture as a rabbit (also known in some circles as a herbivore) I am having second thoughts about this whole project. Words like: stupid, dumb, ignant (and I do mean to misspell it) and painful come to mind. For this carnivore this is no easy task.

To be fair, and to escape the criticism of my veggie friends, there are positives to this challenge. It's actually cheaper, the food lasts longer and I can actually use cookies and milk with a side of cookie dough ice cream as a legitimate excuse to "find my protein". Even more so, cereal and I have re-ignited our love for one another once more. Je t'adore ma petite cheerio.

Yet from the onset, it has been a challenge. Allow me to paint a picture for you...

Heading to work on the first of the month without having eaten breakfast, opening the door and remembering it's Gospel Brunch at 1300 on Fillmore and applewood smoked bacon is on prix fixe, but not for me... FML.

Okay... so it's not the end of the world, but St. Patty's day wont be the same this year.

No Sleep, Bed at 4AM and a Decaf Espresso Before an 8AM Class

"Good morning sir, what can I get for you to drink?"

"A shot of espresso, decaf, please."

"Decaf? Are you sure? It's so early."

"Yes, decaf, please."

For many of us, and by "us" I mean the college student with too much going on, the overworked business person grateful to still have a job, the hungover looking for a quick sobriety pairing with the greasy Denny's breakfast and the downright sleep-depreived, coffee is our friend. Our best friend even. We are in love with the simple Espresso and his cousins the Macchiato and Americano. We simply adore the java house staple Cappuccino and the wholesome Latte, and we cannot forget the chocolatier's favorite Mocha. This family of early morning friends are faithful and dependable in their cause to give some shine to our rise and a bit of pep in our steps far before the sun finds its way through our busy streets and sidewalks. It is the wunderkid of all-nighters and every three months new reasons are discovered as to why it's natural ingredients can be so very good for you. Still, with all that in mind I choose to abstain from her like a woman who is right for me, for all the wrong reasons.

Some say it takes anywhere from 21 to 30 days to break a habit. I've found that I have very few bad habits, save for my ability to procrastinate like none other in worth while projects that often require more time to do them than the actual work I was originally supposed to do. (This blog would be one of them) Yet, as the new year approached I was looking for a resolution of sorts to better myself in some way. Looking back on the year, I was rather content with it so I didn't see much to change, but I figured I would find something to challenge myself with, so, I selected 11 vices to live without, independently, for the next eleven months. The month of February, I went without coffee and energy drinks; two utter staples of my existence this past year.

As I write this, it is obvious that I survived, yet, at the same time it was a legitimately surprising challenge. The first of the month was a groggy morning filled with incoherent thoughts but a sense of stubbornness prevailed. This stubbornness held me strong throughout the first week, the second and well into the third. Whether by tenacity or bullheaded nature I survived the last part of the month with minimal difficultly as I found the key to getting through my day was not found in my caffeinated lovers, but in a decent amount of sleep and a balanced diet. Go figure.

This is the point wherein parlaying this revelation to my mom to which she replied, "Now, imagine that...".

So, this month (March) I have been reunited with my late-night friends once again while departing from normality once more in my pursuit of vegetarianism. So far it's been a bit of a challenge, but a worthwhile endeavor thus far. I'll have an update for you next week.

Thoughts Pertaining to The One and Our Love

Nearly two months ago after watching the movie Love Actually, I was asked whether I believed that there was only one person out there for us. Causally I laughed off the uncomfortable question and iterated a logical reply.

"With almost seven billion people on the planet, there has to be more than one."

Though the answer sufficed the question well enough. Now, I find myself compelled to explain the response.

As children our parents teach us by there actions with their significant other, and their supporting words, that there is only one for us. The perfect one, the right one at the right time. This, for the most part is supported in the television shows we watch; after all, what Disney says, goes.

In reaching adolescence, we leap forth into love with reckless abandon expecting only good things from it. Few of us, and by few I mean the less-than-one-percent few, are fortunate enough to find someone who is just as willing and uninhibited to love and be loved. This one percent is the object of envy of the by way of poem, novel, movie, music and art the world over. Deeply emoting the serendipitous nature, and the mystical quality of this less-than-one-percent crowd with awe and amazement. Having been a spectator of such that can only be called a phenomenon, there truly is something to be said, in any way possible, of such love.

The rest of us, have found ourselves mildly, and in some cases gravely, cheated by the tellers of tall tales who speak of such simplicity in love and loving. More often than otherwise we find ourselves searching idly for some semblance of our First Love within another; because, that first love was euphoric and a ride like none other. Yet, when the magic of this faded, we were left with pieces of a heart we could not recognize and forever changed are we.

As we mature, we come to find that is increasingly difficult to find what we commonly call true love only to find ourselves in the bed of another still feeling lonesome, at the bottom of our spirit of choice rationalizing away the missteps of a relationship gone awry and clamoring for justification and support for our decisions and interpretations of the situation we call The Game.

At this point in my life, I am not at liberty to state a position as to whether or not there is only one for me or for anyone else in this world. Yet the willingness to love and be loved, through observation and experience, becomes increasingly difficult, because the confusion leaves an irresolute feeling; hard to quell and even harder to forget. These attempts change us into better or worse lovers than before. The case of the Nice Guy turned That Guy or the Good Girl turned Tease are byproducts of hearts that felt nothing because they received nothing and seek nothing more than attention for an indeterminate amount of time. Little are they aware their actions precipitate more turns for the worse out of lack of personal insight and understanding of the bigger picture.

As a society we have come to take for granted the givings of others, whether from a parent, and friend or a lover to expect that such much be done simply because we exist. Fortunately, and unfortunately, we have been blessed with few real tragedies to bring the perspective of the fragility of life into a more vibrant life.

Perhaps without the tragedy, we can find the compassion, and unlearn the fear to love and to be loved, but until then I will wait for the Sun to rise and the snow to fall evermore.

New Stripes

In what manner are we capable to deliberate on the true nature of things? With what can we presuppose to identify determinism without seeming the utter fool? Can coincidence, déjà vu and the unequivocal sense of feeling be evidence enough? Undeniably, something persists with each of us, in all of us, that guides us beyond sensible rationale to pursue a given course of action, because it makes sense, but we cannot explain how. Can we attribute this to the romanticism, hopefulness or the auto de fie to be loved? Loved utterly and completely by one who knows nothing of what you’ve become; only what you are. Where can we hope to stand with ourselves in the perpetual pursuit of a feeling?

With little argument, if any at all, there are vast differences in what we think and what we feel; most often I have found feeling to be the default for choices in my own decisions, and in others. It is not to be considered wrong to do so, however, appropriateness paramount. Moreover, the usage is not a choice of which to use, because we have little choice in the manner, but what to consider within us, in thought and feeling, is subject to consideration. It is not brooding pessimism or futile optimism, merely realism and objectivity. Everything has a positive, everything has a negative and a balance between them should always be made.

With the decisions I have made in life, I have dealt with the gamut of feeling just as any other, so I cannot consciously wax metaphysically about living a life with no regrets, save for the extremely inebriated nights with friends, but I digress. Truth be told, I detest the saying simply for the extent to which the saying fails to speak universally. Yes, it is true, that at every specific point in time we are making a decision based upon what we deem is the correct course of action; therefore it cannot be something we can regret. But would a thought in rage be the same made in a far more tranquil state? Or, perhaps, in an induced state? Nevertheless, regret is a type of learning.

To what extent are we to allow this learning to affect us? The hardest part about learning is the inability to abide by the choice made for oneself, and not based upon the impositions of others. Rarely will we find encouragement in the common circles of life, but in the few that are; we can find the change we so anxiously need. The adage holds true, that the friends and lovers you keep are a reflection of who you are.

Live

The exacting and oft distracting realization of unforeseen necessity that stands next to me, and not in front, begs the question, and with external suggestion,"What is essential to exist?" To exist in a manner fulfilled, and utterly thrilled, by the excitement of discontent? Or is it uncovering the simple pleasures and the complex treasures of a strange, an unknown; an unforeseen variable in the Grand Scheme? I prefer the latter because a perception too focused and concerned with a philistine locus muddles the surroundings to a gray. It would be appropo to say... the colors were given away until there was a day I stepped back into the technicolor world to see the sun and admire the ocean. At which point I embraced the notion once more of enjoying the commotion while understanding all is, and will be, right with devotion. This is not a love potion... this is life. At last check, I was only given one to live, and that is exactly what I shall do.

Wayward Moon

Months have passed
And still no moon for my night
Though I understand
For though lustrous
The moon is jealous of me
His wish is for an ocean
An ocean like mine
His ocean is beautiful and blue
Much like mine; yet more inviting
His ocean is soothing indeed
Incomparable to the calm and grace of mine.
He boasts a loyal tide
A follower to his travel
If only I could share the notion
Of a tide that rolls by choice,
Never obligation.
He knows so,
Everything so; about his beloved ocean
Her abyss
Her treasures
Life
Oh, how I pity
For he cannot enjoy discovery
Quite as I can
Of your ocean, dear Moon
I am insignificant,
She slips through my fingers
And her touch is cold
I understand the jealousy
My friend.
I would be jealous, too.